my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
