And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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