i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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