Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
