I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
