does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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