I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
