She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
be right there i have to get my cape
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
