Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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