a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
