I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
