True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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