yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
