This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do herpes really smell.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
