And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
