I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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