3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
