Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
