I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
