so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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