is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
