Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
