wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
