This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
