i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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