Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
