I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
