I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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