You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
