ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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