Just fell off a train. Bad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
