Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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