My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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