shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
