I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
