Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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