I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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