so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
