I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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