had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
