Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
