umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
