We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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