I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
