So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
