guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
