I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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