everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
