im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
