I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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