i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
