So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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