Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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