You're my little dorito
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
