youre lurking in front of me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
