Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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