i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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