Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
