I have demons in me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
