I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
