3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
