i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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