the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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