insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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