I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize