I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
