these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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