Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse