you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
